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UNDERSTANDING GRIEF AND THE GRIEVING PROCESS
Grieving is a process that one progresses through when there has been a loss of something that has a personal meaning and value in ones life. Many words have been used to describe the stages of grief including; anger, irritability, resentment, denial, contradiction, emptiness, desolation, hollowness, frustration, distress, confusion, rejection, tiredness, fatigue, heaviness, lethargy, exhaustion and more to describe the emotional and mental affects of grief..
Since grief is a personal loss it need not be limited to death of a person with whom there was a close personal attachment or to a pet but includes anything of personal value and meaning. For some individuals this may include any of the following with the only proviso that it has personal meaning and value and is lost;
Career/employment
Relationships (including dysfunctional, failure to form a meaningful one, etc)
Leisure activities – physical abilities including sporting skills through injury or age
Financial – bankruptcy, sale of business
Youth
Health
This is just a small list and it is obvious that as we negotiate through life there will be numerous opportunities to grieve. The process of grieving is not simple but involves a number of stages but in the end the process has the positive outcomes of acceptance and personal growth.
Stages of the grieving process.
Research indicates that we progress through a number of stages but it may not be in the sequence below as grieving is different for every individual.
- Shock
- Denial
- Emotional, psychological and physical symptoms
- Depression
- Guilt
- Anger
- Idealism
- Realism
- Acceptance
- Readjustment
- Personal growth.
Dealing with a grief in another.
Developing an understanding of the stages of the grief process enables the use of appropriate personal skills to help the grieving person to accept their thoughts and emotions as normal at that point in time and that eventually acceptance of the loss will be the outcome. It is of great importance not to attempt to force the person to progress to the stage of acceptance as this will only occur with the passage of time.
The greatest skill required to assist the grieving person is to reflect the emotions involved, show understanding and to allow grieving to occur. Many times the inclination is to attempt to cheer up the person but this tends to make their loss appear of less importance. Remember it is the grieving person’s loss respect their thoughts and emotions. By accepting that the grief belongs to another, appropriate personal boundaries can be developed that allows the demonstration of empathy not sympathy. Sympathy involves joining another in the grieving process not understanding the process that they are in the middle of.
Often the prime thoughts involved for veterinary clients involve shock, denial, guilt and anger directed at self for the outcome and by not accepting the responsibility of these thoughts blame is directed at others usually the veterinarian and staff. This is a normal response that we need to learn to understand.
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